Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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