things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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