i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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