he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
