I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
