She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
