sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
