he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
