I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
