You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
