i jhust puked up my retainher.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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