I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
