You made me cry and you don't even care
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
