And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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