I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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