I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
