Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
