he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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