Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My ATM looks so different sober.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
