get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
