Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
