I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
