he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In other news, I just burned my penis
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
