I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
