I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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