why didn't you poke me back
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
