my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
