overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
