I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
that is very illegal...i love you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
