Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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