Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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