Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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