omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
