I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
