We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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