I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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