i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
