i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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