My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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