My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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