I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
