lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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