Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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