he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
pop tarts are not kleenex
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
