chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
