Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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