Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
