in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
