we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
this boner is exhausting
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
