I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
