and next time when you feel me up, do it right
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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