I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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