Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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