May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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