No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
