I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
