I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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