so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
