It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
