Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
