dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
