I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
