My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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