omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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