Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
