So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
