Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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