I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
