Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We just shotgunned beers for America
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
