i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
