well I can't set my house on fire every night
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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