And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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