Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
