Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
