recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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