take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
