The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
