so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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