is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
