So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
