I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She said her name was "party"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
