He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just invented taco cereal.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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