So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
