woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
