i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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