she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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