you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
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You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
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Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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