Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
