Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
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woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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