1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
