Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Success! We fucked roommates!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
